Which View Is Witch? (DS)

We had a dream……and in that dream we found ourselves stepping over a troll bridge into the enchanted woods of Winterthur with nothing but the moon to light our way. The forbidden faerie ring to our right was veiled in a thick midnight mist, and slipped by unnoticed as the spirits of the woods urged us forward along a serpentine pathway.

It was the eerie sound of chanting, emanating from deep in the mist, that stopped us dead in our tracks.

Our dream then took a sharp right, off the beaten path, in the direction of the faerie ring where a yellow light was faintly glowing through the heavy haze. We sucked in our breath when we eventually caught sight of the chantress, and then we quietly crouched, hiding in the shadows of a mushroom to witness with morbid fascination her clandestine mid-term ritual.

While it should’ve come as no surprise for us to witness the magick making of Christine O’Donnell since she'd undoubtedly managed to cast a spell over the people of Delaware, it's just that we never really expected to catch her in the act in the woods. 

Well God works in mysterious ways and Christine truly believed she could secretly help Him help her win that seat in the Senate. And it sure helped that no one had ever officially mandated there be any separation between church and state. It also helped that she was a member of the FOXy Palin coven. This gave her the benefit of a direct line to the spirit of Ronald Reagan, and if an astrological roadmap could help him successfully navigate a presidency, then the Book of Shadows could certainly help her sideline all of the challengers and critics she'd encountered on the way to Washington.

In a rare "Ah-Ha!" moment, Christine realized the best way to render her detractors impotent would be to simply change their point of view.

On an altar dripping in blue hen’s blood, laid O’Donnell’s opened spell book, brilliantly lit by an arc of five blazing black candles. Next to the altar stood Christine, glistening with sweat in a red business suit, busily working her magick while stirring the bubbling cauldron before her with focused intent. Her spellbinding witches' brew appeared to be a simmering mixture of rich milk, sweet goldenrod, peach blossoms and holly berries, potently finished off with a transformational pinch of DuPont chemicals. The heat from the fire beneath the pot was so intense that it even reached out to sear us in the shadows.

Like the five points on a pentagram, we watched as Christine O’Donnell commanded the spirits of her naysayers to spend one episode inside the bodies of the five women of “The View”.

Dick Cheney got to feel with heavy dreads the caring heartbeat of Whoopi Goldberg.

Bill O’Reilly got to watch his pinhead explode through the patriotic eyes of Joy Behar.

Karl Rove got to learn how to skillfully navigate America’s crossroads with dignity through the filtered lens of Barbara Walters.

Mike Castle got to taste the bitterness of defeat on the gracious tongue of Sherri Shepard.

Eric Cantor got to shoot off his young gun while trying not to repeat the mistakes of the past as he admired a body that reminded him of his feminine side, and obviously, Elizabeth Hasselbeck. 

Their special guest that day was Alec Baldwin who happened to know the five ladies of “The View” well enough to recognize when they weren’t themselves. And when Mike Castle in Sherri’s voice asked Alec to define what it meant to be unmanly, Alec quipped with annoyance that this was not a bake off and suggested that Mike go get his man-pants on. As Alec stormed off the set, stage left, he snidely told the others in passing to man-up.

And then we woke up and realized that anyone raised by Bozo the Clown has some pretty big shoes to fill; and just because one acts like a clown, doesn’t necessarily mean they don't have the instincts of a fox.

Have we too just been given a new view of extremism?

Merry meet, merry part, merry meet again. Happy Samhain!

Only one view can be the right view and it can be found at our ‘In The Rear View Mirror’ November 17, 2009 posting "Apple Pie Goes Rogue".