Saturday, November 1, 2008

Will the Lame Duck Be Flying South For the Winter? (DS)

We had a dream…..and in that dream we saw Florida putting its post-presidential election ballot counters to good use, and former President George W. Bush winning a decisive victory in his run for Mayor of Guantanamo Bay.

Too much vacation time went against his workaholic nature and how to spend his twilight years after retirement from the White House in a way that continued to touch the lives of the people was of paramount importance. More important still was his bottom line, yet staring him in the face was an inconvenient truth. He was no math whiz, but he knew without a doubt that his social security checks just weren’t going to be enough to maintain the lifestyle he’d grown quite fond of.

Our dream made it painfully obvious that X-P “W” didn’t spend the last 8 years in D.C. and not learn a thing. He recognized a winning team when it was assembled on his behalf, so he promptly set out to place several of his favorites in key positions in an attempt to re-create some of that “Emperor’s New Clothes” type of magic he’d become most comfortable with.

Mayor George firmly believed he’d gotten things off to a good start when Rush Limbaugh accepted the position of Hostel Camp Manager and Activities Director. In determining the next appointee, even he knew it was critical that Guantanamo Bay’s new Mayor have a big thug (someone who was silent but carried a big shotgun) to put out in front. And without question, Sheriff Dick had an unbeatable track record. In his mind, though, the icing on the cake was when his new BFF, Paris Hilton, agreed to join the team as Director of Marketing and Promotion.

Paris didn’t waste one fabulous minute in putting together a highly impressive VIP guest list for the new Mayor’s inaugural celebration. She managed to procure RSVPs from some surprising world dignitaries, like Hugo Chavez (Venezuela), Vladimir Putin (Russia), Bashar al-Assad (Syria), and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (Iran), to name a few.

In his new position as Hostel Camp MAD-man, Rush’s first big maneuver was to re-open Camp X-Ray under its new name, Camp S+M. Paris immediately began a high profile across-the-globe marketing blitz spotlighting the camp’s new honeymoon-on-the-racks package for only the most discriminating of couples looking to stretch their limits. And Paris wisely included in her saucy promos something to attract the seasoned couple who believed marriage was torture by offering them the perfect setting to take their torment to another level.

No detail was too small and MAD-man Rush always made sure to have plenty of painkillers of the potent prescription variety on hand for distribution to his special guests as they required. He reckoned too it would encourage them to stay longer.

And then we woke up, and got a side mirror glimpse of Castro, in his final hours, making one last executive decision to finally deposit all of those Guantanamo Bay rent checks we’ve been sending him since 1959, then of course, he raised the rent. In pondering George’s short attention span and dubious intellect, are we safe in assuming this will be enough to keep him contained?

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